Ray: Don’t worry my son, I have come to read you a bedtime story, no need to thank me.
Hawkeye: Please don’t. I just want to go to sleep.
Ray: *mumbling* Ungrateful kid. After all I did for him.
Glitter: Dude, there’s like a billion flies on that food. I wouldn’t even eat that and yesterday I trash out of the garbage.
Ray: Yay! Phone call opportunity to go on vacation. See ya suckers.
August: It’d be a lot easier to workout if you weren’t standing in front of the television.
Grotle: Come on, Ray. Let’s get out of here.
Ray: You’ll see. Everyone will see, they’ll be miserable without me. They NEED me!
Honey-Lemon: Okay. Now that the parental figures are gone we can officially begin our girls and Hawkeye meeting. Usually, teens have parties when their parents are out of town. Does this sparkle with everyone?
Hoppip: If it sparkles and pleases I would also like to mention that if we do decide to have a party I want absolutely no damage to come to this house. Nobody can touch the furniture, or leave the designated party area to ensure that the house preserves maximum cleanliness.
Honey: What would the point of a party be then?
Hawkeye: I don’t know. I’m pretty worried about a mess too.
Hoppip: If we have a party and the guests make a mess, then we’ll have to use a lot of trash bags to dispose of the bodies… I mean garbage. Dispose of the garbage.
Hoppip: Also we doesn’t have any friends.
Hawkeye: It’s because August doesn’t brush her teeth.
August: I’m right here, you know.
Honey-Lemon: Okay let’s try this. Does anyone actually want to have a party?
Hyacinth: You know what we could do? We could all go hang out together. Maybe go to the park or the beach. We could hire a babysitter for Hotwire and just go have fun as a family.
Honey-Lemon: Um… I don’t know if that sounds very fun, Hyacinth.
Hoppip: Your idea was bad and you should feel bad.
Hawkeye: You’re fat. You should stay home and run on a treadmill.
August: Dude, what is wrong with you today? First me, now Hyacinth?
Honey Lemon: Actually, I just figured out what we could do! Why don’t we just take a family day and hang out together? Maybe go to the park or the beach.
Hoppip: Now that idea I like.
Hawkeye: Yeah that sounds cool!
Me: You’re all a bunch of assholes to your sister.
Honey Lemon: I feel like I forgot something.
Me: A babysitter for Hotwire.
Me: I’m sure he’ll be fine, though. Don’t worry about it. He’s only starving.
Hoppip: Start on fire. Start on fire. Start on fire.
Hoppip: IT’S GOING TO BE AWESOME!
Hoppip: That’s it? Colors in the sky? No fire? No explosion? Lame!
August: Where’s everyone going?
Me: Hoppip got sick of the park so everyone is going to the beach.
August: Without telling me?
Me: Hahaha and you’re stuck marrying one of them…or Hotwire. Probably not, his traits suck.
August: Nice of you guys to invite me!
Honey Lemon: I KNEW I WAS FORGETTING SOMETHING.
Hawkeye: SO THAT’S WHAT WE WERE FORGETTING! Sorry, August.
Hoppip: I didn’t forget, I just didn’t care.
Hyacinth: I didn’t forget either but they don’t listen to me anyway.
Me: Here’s a cute photo they took at the park!
Hawkeye: Hey baby, wanna see my rod?
Teen Girl: Woah! That is not appropriate!
Hawkeye: …my fishing rod…
Me: COME ON REPAIRMAN! YOU HAD ONE JOB!
Grim: Woah, you guys KILLED someone?! Okay, because you guys are my best customers, I’ll help you get rid of the body.
August: We didn’t kill him!
Hoppip: Just reap him already.
Hawkeye: Oh man, does this mean our dishwasher will still be broken.
Grim: Kid, there’s a DEAD GUY in your kitchen!
Me: Hyacinth didn’t even care enough to leave her book.
Hyacinth: It was natural selection. He should have known that fixing an electrical item while standing in water wearing non-protective clothes while already being burnt leads to a higher chance of an elecrocution related demise.
Me: I’m raising a bunch of sociopaths.
August: ~See-Saw, Margery Daw, Johnny shall have a new master. Johnny shall earn but a penny a day because he can’t work any faster.~
Me: Nursery rhymes are freakin dark, man.
August: It’s about an apprentice and his master.
Me: That’s not the first thing people think. Anyway, why are you out here by yourself.
August: I don’t have any friends.
Hawkeye: August, do you wanna see my rod?
August: Your fishing rod? Okay!
Hawkeye: See? She gets it!
Me: Welcome back!
Grotle: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. MY BEAUTIFUL MIRROR! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!
August: And when they opened the coffin…there was A SKELETON INSIDE!
Me: That seems pretty reasonable. Who would be afraid of this?
Ray: ASDFGH THAT’S SO SCARY!
Grotle: Okay so the floor is really dirty. Try to roll around a lot to collect some of the dirt on your blanket.
Me: It’s his birthday, Grotle.
Me: I forgot to get a CAS picture but don’t worry. He just looks like small Ray. His traits are slob and heavy sleeper. Lame traits.
Grotle: You’re cool! Give me a gig.
Proprietor: Your auditions are getting lazy.
Grotle: Well given my history I’m probably not going to show up anyway. So why bother, amirite? So can I have the gig or not?
Proprietor: *Sighs* Fine.
Grotle: Thanks for watching my show everyone and might I say, one fan in particular really caught my eye?
Me: How? Whoever they are they’re obviously invisible.
Me: Oh, it was just sentient grass again.
Sentient Grass: I LOVE YOU GROTLE!
Hawkeye: YEAH BIRTHDAY! I wish my mom was here!
Me: She’s too busy being wooed by grass.
Me: He’s weird looking and I love him so much. His traits are Loves the outdoors, Absent-minded, Light Sleeper and and annndd SUPERNATURAL FAN! We’ve never had that trait before! It’s going to be cool! He can learn alchemy and maybe become on of the supernatural types and have a supernatural LTW.
Hawkeye: No, it just means I’m a fan of the show Supernatural. None of that weird stuff.
Me: YOU’LL HAVE A SUPERNATURAL LTW AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!
Grotle: LOOK SIM GOD! NO HANDS!
Me: That’s what a level 6 singer does with her time instead of auditioning for gigs since she NEVER GOES TO THEM!
Grotle: Nobody saw me drop the mic, right?
Me: Oh, you’re totally fine. No one even noticed!
Me: Except for those guys.
Me: At least Ray showed up to Hawkeye’s birthday. Nobody came to August’s.
Me: She’s finally old enough where we can see her really unique genetics! I think she’s cute, but I’m probably used to her. Her eye color is awesome. Her mouth isn’t bad. She definitely takes some getting used to. But hey, it’s a rainbowcy, not a prettacy. Her traits are Neat, Excitable, Brave, and Unflirty. That’s it for this chapter! Next one should be out soon! It seems like this generation is almost over! Ain’t nobody have time to wait for Hotwire to age up!
Me: *shows August to boyfriend.*
Boyfriend: Eew, I don’t want that in the gene pool. Her eyes are weird! She looks like Sid from Ice Age.
Me: SHE’S SPECIAL IN HER OWN WAY! SHE SAVED GROTLE’S LIFE!